Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Friends...........a girl needs them!

What would life be like without friends?  For me it would be pretty empty.  Often I think I am doing  ok until a friend calls and I am close to tears just hearing their voice because a problem shared is a problem halved.  Isn't it funny how we try really hard not to burden our friends with our worries and sorrows yet when we finally do and they have us crying and laughing through our tears, you realise just how much you needed that moment, or vice versa.

My friends are a total mixed bag but one thing they all have in common is their strength.  A woman doesn't choose to be strong, it's circumstances that make her that way.

A lot of people mistake a strong woman for being hard.  This always surprises me, big time! Just because we are not crying and curling up in a ball doesn't mean we don't feel the pain of the trauma we are going through.  

My ex husband used to call me a "hard bitch" because no matter what shit was dealt me, I just had to deal with it and keep going.  I couldn't win because if I did show emotion, he would not know how to deal with me so I often dealt with it internally.  Outwardly I would be functioning but inwardly I would be screaming.  As a friend recently put it on her blog, she is often like a duck floating on a pond: above the water all is serene but underneath she is paddling like hell!

Being called that, hurt me deeply and I never expected to hear it from a guy again until the recent crisis with Jack over Christmas and New Year.

I was having a text conversation with Friend with Perks and he was asking how I was doing after the latest ambulance dash.  I told him that I felt so worn out and needed to cry but couldn't and he text back that I should "stop being such a hard bitch" and I was totally gobsmacked, hurt and confused cos I thought he knew me! Then I did cry cos how can someone close to you, get you so wrong! I will say that it was the word "hard" that upset me not the word "bitch"! lol

The next day I took him to task about it and he explained that it wasn't really what he meant but he didn't know any other way to explain it.  Basically he didn't understand why I couldn't or even wouldn't cry and felt that I should let it all out.  Easy done if you don't lurch from one crisis to the other with little space to draw breath in between!  Then there is time and space to lick your wounds but in my case, I still have to function in between the chaos and crying is a total luxury! When I told him how it made me feel, he was equally gutted because he never meant to hurt me.

I believe him because he is a lovely guy but he just doesn't have the words sometimes to say what he really means.  I am glad we talked about it otherwise it would have festered and hurt our friendship.  I think that is the key to friends..........the ability to communicate well through the good and the bad. So if you fuck up and hurt them, you should be able to talk about it without it getting to the yelling and mud slinging stage or is that just me cos I am a coward and I don't do confrontation?  See I am all bravado me!

I am not a perfect friend in anyway but I think I am a good enough friend.  If you are my friend this is what you can expect from me................

1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused - I will use little words.
7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath. I pledge it till the end. "Why?" You may ask. Because you are my friend.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

I don't know who wrote that poem but it's genius!

So there you have it, being my friend is fairly simple.  Expect me to laugh my head off before I give you sympathy unless of course what you are telling me is so not funny and then I will try to behave like a normal friend should! Remember the key word here....try!


  1. so very true. Why do we as women seem to just suck it up until we just meltdown in either a flood of tears or end up in bed for a week because our body makes us sick because it is the only way to make us stop?
    Often friends dont realise they have hurt us until after we tell them. I am glad you told your friend and didnt lose the friendship

  2. If I could think about showing an example of what a "blog" probably would look like, this one would fit the picture. Not just random information but a person journaling about their life and what's going on, trying to drive a point home. Lyndy I picture you as a strong woman because life has dealt you that deck of cards and you do what you have to. A single mom caring for 2 awesome children & dealing with much more than most mothers ever could. I haven't known you long but I can say that I am soooooo proud of you for being the Lyndy you are and treasure your friendship.

  3. excellent post!

    mynx and odie said it better than i ever could.

    bruce johnson jadip
    stupid stuff i see and hear
    Bruce’s guy book
    the guy book
    Dreamodel Guy

  4. I am the same way. I rarely break down and cry and usually just sort through things on my own. It's not as if I don't care, I just don't like to burden others with problems I am having. It doesn't make us bitches, it makes us strong.

  5. That is what a true friend is, and that's why your spouse needs to be your best friend because not only are you going to be goig through hard times, your spouse will too and in holy matrimony you pledged to be there to support one another.

    If they can't be friends, the marriage won't be a happy one for very long.

    And I am soooo the confused friend. Haha


  6. I sooooo wonder who made the comment about the duck?!?!?!?
    A crazy friend in Glasgow!!!

    I don't often cry - folk sometimes get a bit xhocked when i do and don't realy know what tp do. It's mostly frustration, but i have done the crying/laughing/hiccuping senario, which makes me laugh even more!!

    I'll bring the shovel - or even a digger - we can always make a getaway in the digger!!
    And remember - a friend will come visit you in the jail, But a true friend will be in the cell beside you saying "man we ballsed, but didn't we have a laugh doing iot??"

  7. Really ennjoyed that post. Wise words indeed, and loved the poem at the end. Isn't it funny how woman are called 'hard' simply because they are trying to cope with the hand that has been dealt with. What are we supposed to do - just sit there and fall apart? I don't think so!

  8. Mynx - couldn't have said it better myself
    Odie - thank you for your kind words and for being my bog friend
    Bruce - thank you
    JM - here here!
    Ditz - so so true
    Julie - emmmmmm you recognised your own words, lol See you in jail!
    Thisisme - glad you enjoyed and "I don't think so" either!

  9. I've said it before....and I'll say it again...strong women are hott!!!

  10. Mynx and Odie said it best. You would be an exceptional friend.

  11. You are so right and I love the poem :) I feel you have to lock it all away to get on with life- otherwise we couldn't do it, could we?

  12. BTW I like the movie countdown :)

  13. Chief - lol is that the hot flushes you're talkin about??
    Jax - thanks you :)
    Seth's mum - no we definitely couldn't! I know love the twilight movies!


Laughter is the best medicine and it's free. Thanks for visiting my blog and I look forward to hearing from you.

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