Wednesday, 11 July 2012

The perils of dating internet it and weep!

Since I wrote about the end of my relationship with my Friend with Perks I have once again braved the world of internet dating.

If you are easily offended then in advance I apologise but I am afraid I really must tell it like it is!

Since joining one particular site, I have had lots of emails from men. All have been complimentary, some have been sleazy and some have been just plain weird!

I am pretty open minded but even I find myself thinking WTF?

I seem to attract all age groups, in particular the really young guys who I think have a fantasy about being with an older woman. That really isn't my thing and it is made even more obvious by the fact that they have nothing of interest to say to me apart from talking about their gaming activities on their xbox/playstation etc and how plastered they were that weekend! Whilst the idea of a younger guy appeals slightly, the thought of having to teach them what to do, really doesn't float my boat! It just brings to mind an image of a guy fumbling in the dark with me calling directions such as left a bit, right a bit, up higher, yes just there....NO not there!!! LOL You get the picture!

pic from here

Then there are the older guys who are way older than me who put in their profiles that they "like cuddles". I immediately start laughing at that cos I have this image in my head of them being so old and frail that I have to physically hold them up and I can't help but go into fits of giggles. Now for those older guys that happen to be reading this....I apologise for assuming such a thing but really it would be like dating my dad, who ironically happens to be one of the fittest guys I know. Still it's definitely a no go area for me.

That leaves us with the guys in between. The ones I have been chatting to or email fall into two categories. The really nice ones who are polite but who I know by looking at their photo that I will not be attracted to yet I still chat to them cos after all, looks are only skin deep. They are interested in me and ask pertinent questions but so far have not piqued my interest which is a shame.

One guy who was like that, asked me to meet up with him for coffee so we arranged to meet the following week. That whole week he kept giving me a blow by blow account of what he was doing, letting me know how busy he was and then lo and behold, the day before we were due to meet, he cancelled. He gave no reason and when I said it was "ok, you obviously had a better offer" he then proceeded to bombard me with texts saying how much he wanted to meet me.

After a whole evening of this, I got fed up and told him to stop texting me so he panicked and said he now could meet me after all. I told him that "no, you had your chance so could you please stop texting me". The next day, at exactly the time we were supposed to have met up, I received some very abusive texts from him saying that "god help any guy that takes you on! It's women like you who give other women a bad name!"
WTF!!! Just because I am not willing to put up with crap from someone I barely know, that makes me a bitch?

pic from here

I couldn't help it, but I sent him a text full of HA HA HA'S with the message that "if you have time to send me abusive texts then you had the time to meet up with me so could you just go and crawl back under the rock from which you came!". He tried phoning me then but I didn't answer. He is now blocked on the dating site and his number in my phone is listed as DO NOT ANSWER THIS NUMBER! I daren't delete it in case he tries to call and as I often get calls from doctors on my mobile with unknown numbers I can't take the risk of just not answering it!

Another guy I was chatting to, kept asking me had I seen anyone yet who I liked and when I told him no, he got a bit snotty with me. When I explained that he was too far away (his profile said he lived in London) he got really annoyed as he actually only lived an hour away from me. When I explained he was a bit happier but then I kept having to reassure him that yes I thought he was cute, yes I would have picked him to talk to if his profile had said he lived closer, etc etc. Geez and they say women are insecure! Naturally that email relationship didn't last as he was already sucking my will to live and I hadn't even met the bloody guy!

pic from here

Then there is the other category. The ones I do find attractive but who are only after the one thing, I wouldn't mind so much if they were willing to take you out on a date and at least make a pretence of getting to know you but no, these guys just want you to put out after a cup of coffee no less and they will even skip that if you were willing!

A few weeks ago, an email from one particular guy, absolutely made my day cos he came right out and asked me if I fancied having his young, hard, hot body rubbed up against mine. I laughed so hard I nearly cried. Lets face it, it's not every day you get an offer like that and it made my day. This guy was 32 so I replied, telling him how much it had made me laugh.. That's when he came back and said that he wasn't interested in having even so much as a conversation, he just wanted to meet me somewhere, fuck, then leave.

I was like "what no foreplay? You're not even gonna ask me do I like this or that?" As honest as this admission was I just couldn't face the prospect!.

Then you have the guys who have written on their profile that they are looking for a relationship but really they are not. Again they just want sex or a fuck buddy but without the buddy bit. Same same no matter which way you look at it.

ha ha ha pic from here

And this is the part that rankles the most. Are they just too lazy to bother? Have they spent too much time and effort meeting the wrong women and getting disappointed. Or is it just easier to have a relationship via text and email, meet up for sex and pretend that this is normal. Has all this technology we have in the 21st century enabled us to just say what the hell you want, without a filter cos it's not like they can see you!

Put it this way, would you actually ask a girl you just met in a bar if her va jay jay was shaven or not? Would you ask her what her favourite position is and what's the kinkiest thing she has ever done? If any men reading this say no, then seriously, tell me this, why is it ok to ask me on the internet?

How would you feel if I asked for the dimension of your penis then told you that "mmmm actually size really does matter!!!" If you walked right up to me in a bar and asked me any of these things, I would slap you! I  had a guy quite a few years back, cup my breast whilst I was talking to his mate in a bar. He obviously thought it was his god given right so he was completely taken aback when I knocked his hand away, sending his drink spinning up in the air and leaving everyone gawping and me snarling like a rabid terrior telling him exactly what I thought of him!

Maybe I should start a internet site, a bit like the take away sites popping up all over where these guys could order a side of rump, heavy on the boobies, hold the pubes blah blah blah. Oh wait they don't want to pay for it.....damn....another cool idea down the tubes! LOL

Tee hee hee

Don't get me wrong, I am no prude. In fact I am one of the most open minded people I know.I am happy to talk about anything, even sex, but if that's all you have to talk about then I will quickly get bored.It's not that I am picking the wrong guys because every one of these guys I have spoken to have contacted me! I don't do the contacting because essentially I am quite shy approaching guys in person and that hasn't changed being on the internet.

I have had guys email me and start a conversation and when I reply, there is silence. I have spent an evening chatting to a guy who was so interesting, a good laugh, lots of banter and then we sent each other a couple of emails for a day and that was it. No more contact! Was I just someone he wanted to practise his flirting on?Did he fancy me that night but in the cold light of day without the aid of a few beers, decided he didn't? I will never know cos these guys just stop chatting and don't reply when you say hi. Confused? Hell yeah and they say women are complex! We've got nothing on these guys!

I know so many women who have just decided that they would rather be single cos they have been so confused by these mixed messages that guys are sending out. They have chosen to get much more intimate with their Rampant Rabbits cos a) it gives them exactly what they want b) they don't have to worry that it wont call c) it doesn't need to be reassured that it's good in bed and finally it's not gonna give her a rude awakening in the morning by digging into her back!
a rampant rabbit :)

To me it's simple, if you are on a dating site, it's because you want to date! If you don't want that then piss off to one of those Intimate Encounter sites, there are hundreds on the web, I know cos I checked when I was writing this and leave the rest of us to get on with trying to meet up with someone decent.

I have been told by people I know that "You don't really need a bloke!" This is usually from someone who is smugly married, living with someone or who is in a relationship of sorts. Yes they are correct, I don't actually need a guy but I want someone to hold me in my darkest hours, laugh with me when I am helpless with laughter and who gives the best cuddles. In return they will get all they wanted including sex on tap but first you have to work a bit harder than asking me when I am gonna put out!!!

Is that too much to ask???



  1. i did try to post - but blogger annoying me!
    Hope you find someone soon - till then, back to the rabid rabbit!!!

  2. This was a priceless post Lynne and I am hoping with all my heart that the "right" man will understand how special you are and give you exactly what you want and deserve. Don't you dare settle for less my friend. Hang in there. Say hi to Jack and Holly for me.

  3. You are absolutely hilarious. Personally, I don't want to date, and I don't want a rabbit. I want to climb into bed at night and find a nice, caring man already waiting for me (he needs to be a good conversationalist and a good lover). Everybody, please wave your magic wands and make my wish come true.


  4. He he, I thought I was pretty positive, but I tried and gave up internet dating after the first one - he fitted into the 'could have been my Dad category' even though he was only a couple of years older than me! Hope your luck is better and wishing you lots of fun in your hunt for the perfect partner :)

  5. "I want someone to hold me in my darkest hours, laugh with me when I am helpless with laughter and who gives the best cuddles."

    You totally deserve that and I hope that with all my heart that someday the right guy will realise just what a special woman you are and give you just that.

  6. Lindy, this is likely the sexiest and most honest REALLY PERSONAL thing you've posted on your blog, Hon

    Dating websites are dangerous places to go to look for companionship. I think it's better to find someone in the real world in places you might visit because there is something there that you're interested in. If you meet a guy in such a place, you and him probably have at least one thing in common that interests both of you.

    Hon, I'm one of "those older guys than happen to be reading this". I'm over 79 years young and for many years since surgery to remove my cancerous prostate gland I've been almost totally impotent. But I still enjoy cuddling, kissing, caressing, and anything else that may follow that type of foreplay.

    I hope you find some gentleman on one of these dating sites who is suitable for you and is deserving of you regardless of his age.

    I'm one of "those older guys THAT happen to be reading this".

  8. LOL!! Funnier than shit! I laughed and laughed! Oh the trials of internet dating!

  9. I know the internet is a different beast, but fact of the matter is I met Pooldad through the personal ads that were listed on Cable TV [this was pre internet days] - we were so embarrassed about how we met that we told people for years we met in a bar. giggle - can you imagine? The thing is - he is the ONLY person I contact and I was it for him. It just worked out for us. My best friend [who is the one who got me to do it in the first place - I had NO time for a boyfriend then] went on numerous dates - and discovered all the things you have - but mostly that men lie. It was AMAZING what they would lie about. You can't say you are six foot tall when you are 5'4 - that doesn't work. And you can't send a pic' showing a full head of hair when you are BALD. I know women do it too - but my friend had such a time. She finally met her husband when he broke up a brawl in the women's bathroom at the local bar. giggle

    The one thing I found to be true is that Pooldad and I told the truth about everything - so there were no disappointments or misgivings. And somehow it worked!

    Have heart my friend. You don't have to kiss a lot of toads, but just what you need will come along when you least expect it. Be honest. :)


  10. I don't get internet dating. I realize the ads tell us about the wonderful connections that some have found but still...for all the great connections with normal, well-rounded fun-loving people, how many other types are there?...the guys who are truly "so much coller on-line", the married guys looking for a little somethin' somethin' on the side, the horndogs who couldn't pick up a drunk toothless prostitute in heat with his cock wrapped in hundred dollar bills? Maybe I'm too jaded but I can't stop picturing that cash wrapped phallus and wanting to run out and buy a "rabbit" trap instead.

    All kidding aside, best of luck to you in this crazy dating world.

  11. Oh that was a bloody good, honest and forthright read!! I always thought you were brave but this, going for the internet dating scene is extra brave! Sounds like some of them are using it as an escort not dating service. And seriously, that 1st guy?? Unbelievable!

    xx Jazzy

  12. Julie - lol yeah at least that's something a girl can depend on!
    Odie - You can rely on the fact that I will not settle for anything :)
    Janie - I so wish I could wave my magic wand but I seem to have lost it :/
    Looking for Blue Sky - That's my experience with guys my age, so OLD before their time!
    Mynx - I hope so too :)
    Don - There is no chance of me meeting anyone in my everyday life cos I just don't meet guys that way.
    Kellie - I am so glad I made you laugh. It certainly made me laugh writing it!
    SkippyMom - Thanks for sharing your lovely story. I think people are just not being honest enough. I will just have to kiss lots of toads and be done with it!
    Nari - oh it's definitely a whole new world out there, one full of very colourful characters. This is when I have discovered the "wildlife of Scotland". They might look handsome but get too close and they will get their claws out and snarl and snap with little warning...LOL
    Jazzygal - Brave or foolhardy? Not sure which yet but this intrepid girl will keep at it :)

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