Tiny Tears

I am one of 7 children.  When I was little, we used to live in the country, next to a river and this, people, was our playground.  My mum and dad would often be found playing Hide and Seek, Rounders, Skipping, taking us walks and my dad taught us to dive off the rocks into the rapid flowing river.  The biggest high was swimming down the rapids of the river and of course being kids, we were pretty fearless. We also used to climb underneath the Findhorn bridge and you could hear the traffic rumbling by up above us.

our playground

As a child, I totally loved my dolls and every year I would ask Santa for a Tiny Tears and every year it never came but I did get the latest  'in' doll at the time so really I couldn't complain.  My big sis had a tiny tears and she just loved it.  She had had it a long long time and really looked after it.

Now big sis was two and a half 5 years older than me  (the age difference is a story all by itself!) and finally she decided that she had outgrown her tiny tears.  She knew how much I loved that doll so she made a huge deal of giving it to me, making me promise to love and cherish her as much as she had and I swore that I would do that and more besides.

the coveted doll

The day I was given the doll, was a beautiful sunny day and so I decided after much playing with her, that she could do with a swim.  So I took her down to the river and played with her some more, chatting away to her, still in awe that she was finally mine and really feeling like this was the best day of my life ever. Hey stop laughing, I was a kid remember.

I spent the whole afternoon playing with her, in and out of the water and it was starting to get near dinner time so I thought I would finally take her for a swim down the rapids before heading home.  I tentatively crossed over the stones into the middle of the water, sat her down on my knee, facing outwards, told her not to be scared, clutched her to my chest and off we went.  It was over in the blink of an eye but so much fun and when I finally scrambled out of the water, I looked down at her to tell her how brave she'd been and let out the most blood curdling scream cos where her eyes had been were just dark hollow holes.

Traumatized wasn't the word I will have you know!!!!  I frantically looked about me but there were no eyes to be seen.  I spent ages looking for them but they had disappeared and I couldn't even look at the doll without wanting to scream.  I packed up my stuff and cried all the way home.

It's enough to give you bloody nightmares!

My big sis was justifiably upset and was equally traumatized by this now 'eyeless creature' and my poor mum had her work cut out to calm us both down.  Big sis felt that I had not taken care of her treasured doll cos I had only had her in my possession one afternoon don't ya know! I felt so bad for her and me, especially since I had taken the greatest of care but who knew the bloody thing's eyes were gonna fall out after a wee trip down the rapids!  I mean, wtf?  How was I supposed to know that swimming the rapids was gonna give it a disability?  Me thinks that has kinda come back to haunt me in a way, don't ya think?

That night, after the drama and upset had settled down, we said our goodbyes to tiny tears and laid her and all  her worldly possessions, to rest on the top of the outside dustbin.  It was such a solemn affair that I had to stifle the urge to giggle cos my nerves were getting the better of me but I managed. When the dustbin lid went on top of her, I breathed a huge sigh of relief that I didn't have to look at that freak show of a doll any more!

Suffice to say, the eyeless tiny tears haunted my dreams on a regular basis and I was sure I was gonna wake up and see her sitting at the end of my bed, finger pointing as if to say "You killed me!". I never did get another one and to be honest it put me off the damn doll for ever.

it's evil I tell ya!

Big sis never forgave me ya know and every now and then the subject comes up and I cringe cos honestly I didn't do it on purpose!