Thursday, 10 March 2011

It's been one of those weeks.......

It's only Thursday but already this week has brought with it a mixture of emotions.

Monday morning, I got a call from Rachel House, the hospice that we have been referred to.  It seems we fit the criteria and they have arranged to come and see us on the 25th March.  I broke down when she told me that we'd been accepted cos part of me hoped we wouldn't.  The very nice lady on the phone said that if Jack's condition improved over time then they would back off again but as he'd had a few scary moments lately, the consultant neurologist agreed that we need this kind of support.

Rachel House (source)
So I have kinda been out of sorts since. Then Tuesday, I had Jack's parents evening.  I dread these evenings as they just make me feel so depressed. They seem to focus on everything that Jack can't do, so much so that I stopped going to them the last few years of primary school.  To make matters worse, the head teacher of the special needs base at the primary school, didn't want Jack there and was quite vocal about it so I tried to spend as little time in her company as possible!

Therefore my expectations of this parents evening were pretty low. I was pleasantly surprised though.  For the first time in a long time, the teacher, Gill, was so delighted with him.  She commented on how impressed she was with him when he is out of his chair, on the floor and the sheer determination he has to get up onto his hands and knees.  She felt that "he was just wonderful!".  Also she had a sheet of paper with lots of highlighted paragraphs in the 1st column and ticks next to most of the other paragraphs in the 2nd column.  This was all the tasks he had completed! OMG I was speechless and so so chuffed.

source

They are only baby steps but important all the same!  Getting him out of the wheelchair in school is making a huge difference as I am noticing that his stomach muscles are getting stronger and therefore he is able to hold himself straighter.  This is brilliant for him as being able to sit up straighter will slow down the curve in his spine. I left the school with a huge smile on my face.
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Then Wednesday, Holly fell out with her Dad.  He text her on Tuesday to say that he was just home but someone we know had seen him in the supermarket on Saturday.  Holly was not happy but she let it go because well, he's here now.  She asked me was it ok for her to ask her Dad if he would take her and David to the cinema on Saturday night.  I said yes so she sent him a text.  He called her straight back and told her that he was going away Friday morning and therefore couldn't take her to the pictures.  Holly cut his call short as she was mad as hell.


Understandably Holly was upset, as he had been home at least 3 days before he made contact and then could only see her two nights, both of which she had stuff on. He does this all the time.  His contact with Holly is all on his terms and if she can't see him when he wants, cos of her crazy schedule, then he doesn't bother. He hasn't seen her since October/November as he didn't even bother to come home for Christmas this time because he took his new wife away on a city break tour.  They even went to Disneyland Paris which was a major sore point for Holly, as she has asked him to take her there quite a few times.


source

I get upset on her and Jack's behalf because, if it were me, the first people I would want to see when I got home after being away (he works abroad) would be my children. He doesn't have Jack at all now and I no longer let him into the house, just so that he can have a quick peer at him then chat to Holly the rest of the time.

He was home in February and he had bought tickets to see Holly's favourite band.  Unfortunately, this would mean time off school which I wasn't happy about because I was taking her to see a band the week after and that required 2 days off school.  On top of that she had already had nearly 3 weeks study leave so I just couldn't justify her taking a few more days off school.  That would have meant she had only been in school, 1 week out of 5.  Holly was disappointed but was pretty chilled about as I had already made her choose between these two concerts.  I was more upset because I was the one having to say no!!  Again, he called 2 days after the concert wanting to see her but as she had stuff on, she didn't get to see him as he was leaving on Saturday.

source

So the upshot is that she sent him a text saying how annoyed she was that he was only contacting her now when she knew he had been home at least 3 days and how upset she was.  He didn't even reply which made her madder. Then later, she felt guilty for upsetting him!!! WTF?  She thinks more of his feelings than he does of hers.

I am hurting for her because she doesn't deserve to be his afterthought.  I am used to it with Jack but not Holly, she is worth so much more than that and deserves better. They both do.

16 comments:

  1. Sounds like it's been a roller coast of a week....sending you hugs and lots of positive vibes...hope things even out!!

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  2. I agree - that's quite some week you're having up there. First of all, how wonderful was that report on gorgeous Jack. I am so pleased that you left the school on the high. That really is brilliant news. Holly's (and Jack's) dad - what can I say. What is it with these men, just keep letting their children down over and over and over. I can appreciate that she's pretty angry, and I, as a mum, would be hurting for her, as you are. Take care.

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  3. Texting needs to die a slow, painful death.

    If there is any hope for a relationship it has to be verbal spoken words. Texting on behalf of the Dad is just a weenie way out.

    Sorry, but I dealt with texting crap for the past four days and it is a coward's way of dealing with a problem. A good idea would be to have your daughter ask him only to call and she should stop texting him.
    Good luck - I wish you the best.

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  4. my opinion is that the guy is a waste of space and he deosn't deserve to have Holly remotely near his life. He should pack upo and move at least 3 universes away.
    BUT - i am aware that my opinion is for nothing, cos i DON'T live the life you have, or that Holly has.
    From a grown up point of view - she will see him for what he really is when she is older. But this does not mend the broken heart she has right now.

    I don't have any wiose words, but i think i can ask you to give holly a hug from us - and it's sent with love

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lyndy,What a week!!! so many mixed feelings about the hospice for you.
    I am so happy you walked out of the school smiling. Kudos to Jack for trying so hard. Must have been sooo nice to see some ticks highlighted :)
    ah I feel for Holly. My dad has seemingly forgotten his kids and grandkids since he remarried after mum passed it hurts and I'm 48,I can only imagine how Holly feels. Hopefully she will always know that its HIM, not her and nothing she does or doesn't do or say or become will change him.

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  6. Colenic - thanks for the hugs and good vibes
    Thisisme - yep my very clever boy and that man! Words fail me.
    Skippymom - I know, texting isn't good for a relationship. Holly doesn't like to confront her dad so texting is the only way she can say how she feels as he goes down the route of the "mortally wounded" if she criticizes him. He hardly phones so it is frustrating to say the least! Sorry you've also been having a rough few days. Hope it improves soon (((HUGS)))
    Julie - that is my opinion too these days but I have to say nothing cos it's her relationship! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! I will pass on the hug :)
    IWBY - my dad kinda went that way for a while after my mum died but thankfully he has come back to us again. It truly is an awful situation for you all. As an adult I struggled to cope with my feelings so god knows how Holly is managing. It's his loss in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  7. wow that is a rollercoaster!

    good thoughts sent your way...

    my daughters bio-dad is too into her for her tastes...

    she is constantly pissed that she cannot go with friends cuz it is his *time*

    and he is a guilter...

    i look at it like this, i totally cherish the time i spend with her but understand she is a 16 year old.

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  8. How you keep so cheerful I don't know. How sad that Holly's dad can't see how he is letting his daughter slip out of his life.

    I wish you well, I truly do.

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  9. I get really mad when I find out someone has treated a friend badly. I follow Holly's blog and think she is an awesome teenager that deserves so much better from a father. He should be ashamed of his self. Well Lynne, you hang in there and tell Holly & Jack that Odie said "WASSUP"

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  10. Wow. I'm sorry your Thursday isn't going very well. Or your family's. Hang in there! Good news about your little boy's school and it sounds like you're raising a very thoughtful young woman. Take care! : )

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm glad to hear about the good reports for Jack. I can feel your frustration for your kids about their dad. I go through the same thing with my ex.

    He has no car and had his driver's license taken away. He barely contacts the Girls at all and when he does, it is my job to do all of the driving and he lives across town.

    I feel your pain. My Girls love their Dad but are slowly realizing he just isn't what he should be to them. It must hurt terribly. And then, for them to feel guilty when challenging his bad behavior, he should be ashamed of himself.

    ReplyDelete
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    ninjiom.50webs.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. Bruce - yes there has to be a happy medium and making her feel guilty is not on. I think you have the right idea.
    Moanie - thank you for your kind words. I wish he could see it too but alas it's not gonna happen until it's too late
    Odie - she totally is an awesome teenager! I've passed on your message :)
    Elle - yes great news bout the school and my girl is just lovely :)
    Nari - it is a hard lesson for them to learn at their age. I, like you do the same thing, bend over backwards to accommodate their dad but in the end it's not enough.
    Chief aka Dad - ha ha ha you took the words outta my mouth....wait, isn't that a song???
    Teresa - thanks for the info

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  14. Yay for Jack! Holly will get over it, soon she will realize that she shouldn't have to worry about seeing her dad because if he doesn't put forth the effort to see her, she shouldn't do the same.

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Laughter is the best medicine and it's free. Thanks for visiting my blog and I look forward to hearing from you.

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