After we had watched a couple of films and pigged out on munchies, I suggested they get into their jammies and sort out their sleeping arrangements as they were all going to be kipping down in the living room.
Diz, Holly's friend, started telling "Big Mama" jokes and they were all falling about laughing. Some were pretty tame but others were a wee bit rude so not to be outdone, I told them a joke that Holly and Jack's dad (aka Father of the Year) told me years ago. It's the only joke I remember!
This was the joke:
How do you tell if your girlfriend is overweight? Cos when she sits on yer face, you can't hear the stereo!
Diz, Tammy and Beth fell about laughing and so did I but we laughed all the more when this little voice pipes up "I don't get it!".
Diz was like "Holly how can you not get that?" and Holly said well cos "how would he not be able to hear the stereo if she sat on his face?". I looked over and Tammy was shaking her head and Beth, who was the youngest is laughing and looking at Holly as though she was stupid!
But my lovely girl wasn't stupid she was thinking in a technical way, like her dad. She was picturing the sexual position and trying to see how that could be! When she explained that to us, Diz was like "no, she has to sit on his face, not in front of his face!" and Holly replied, "well why would she do that? Is that some kinda pervy thing?",
Diz and Tammy were both trying and failing to explain to Holly that it's just a joke and if she sat on his face, her butt cheeks would flop over and he wouldn't be able to hear. Meanwhile Holly's saying "yeah but if she is in a kneeling position, her knees or thighs would cover his ears and he wouldn't be able to hear anyway, so she could be any size she liked and he wouldn't hear the stereo!!!".
I am laughing so hard at this point and I looked across at Beth, who has her head resting on her arm, helpless with laughter, both of us with tears running down our faces.
Frustrated that she couldn't get Holly to see, Diz grabs this neck cushion of Jack's and she plonks it on top of Holly's face and says "NOW, can you hear the stereo????". Holly was laughing and said "well, yeah, duh!".
So Diz tried it again, explaining that the "butt would be bigger than this but you get the picture" and stuffs it hard onto Holly's face, squishing down the sides. Holly was not impressed and said, "I can still hear ya know".
At which point Diz, to prove her point, takes a flying leap onto Holly, her butt hovering just above Holly's face, before Holly's reflexes kicked in and she manages to stop her from plonking straight down onto her face. Hovering above her, Diz is shouting "do you get the picture or do you need a diagram" and Holly's like "I get it, I get it, I get it, it's cos her ass is big!!!!".
Holly was totally traumatised and was doing her drama queen thing by saying that "you nearly suffocated me" and Diz replied "or I could have given you Pink Eye!". To which we all replied "WHAT???. What in the name is Pink Eye?".
To which Diz replied "It's when poo particles get in your eye via a fart or when someone wipes their shitty boxers in your face!". WTF?? There was a chorus of "EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW" from all of us and Holly pipes up "who would even know about these kinds of things Diz, only you could know about something so gross and disgusting".
I laughed so hard, I nearly peed myself! Tammy said "how did we get to this subject?" and Holly pointed at me and said "she started it with that rude joke!".
I was open mouthed, giving it "oh just blame me, it's not like it was that rude, this from the girl that had to explain to me what fletching was!".
And no I am not explaining that one, that's what