The Dog and the Mattress

The same Christmas that we had all the trauma getting my mum to my house, I had ordered a new mattress for my bed.

It was 2 days before Christmas and I had stayed in all day waiting for it until the carer, Marion, came in to look after Jack and then Holly, Jacqui and I went off out for our tea and to get the last bits of food shopping for Christmas Day.

When we came back, I let our dog at the time, Rollo, out into the garden for a pee. He was a chocolate labradoodle, about the size of a Shetland pony and such a soft lump.  He was still just a puppy, just over 1 years old.

I had been chatting to Marion for about 10 mins when I noticed a delivery notice on the floor.  I picked it up and was chuffed to see that my mattress had been delivered and that written on the note, it said they'd left it in the back garden, underneath the trampoline.

He looked like this - cute huh?

I was so excited cos my bed had been needing a new mattress for god knows how long and it was so uncomfy to sleep on!  So I ran out the back door and for just a second I thought it had been snowing!

I was like "bloody hell" where did all this white stuff come from and then I spotted Rollo.  He was right in the middle of it, face covered in white fluffy stuff, head down, bum in the air, tail wagging, delighted to be playing with this new toy.

Oh my fucking god!!  In the 10 minutes or so that I had left him outside, he had eaten his way through the plastic covering the mattress and had ripped open the mattress itself and it was literally all over the garden!

I was totally speachless and in shock.  I must have stood there for about 10 minutes before I became aware that Jacqui and Holly had come to look for me and it was Jacqui's sharp intake of breath that alerted me to their presence.   At this point, I started laughing hysterically, you couldn't not, especially when Rollo was so obviously ecstatic with this new toy I had apparently left for him in the garden, throwing the stuffing up in the air with his mouth and rolling in the mess!

So there we were, the three of us, standing on the back door step, me bent double, laughing hysterically, tears running down my face with Holly and Jacqui joining in cos there was nothing else for it.

Finally I got a grip of myself and chased Rollo round the garden, like a demon possessed, trying to get him to come in and of course, would he hell, cos he knew he was in big big trouble.  He spent the evening in his bed, in the bad books and we had to commence the clean up operation.

There really was little we could do apart from pick up all the stuffing and bin it and then we dragged the mattress, still in it's plastic into the garage.

With the trauma of getting my mum to my house the next day, I never did tell her about it but a few months later, she was saying that my dad had been in my garage and wondered did I have mice, cos of the state of this new mattress he had seen leaning up against the wall.  I was also storing some household stuff for my friends Roz and Maria, who were between houses, so obviously my mum was worried that it was their stuff that was ruined.

When I told her the story, I thought her and my dad were gonna wet themselves laughing!  And once again, I was bent double, crying with laughter retelling the story but no it didn't end there, cos I bought it from a store on a Buy Now, Pay July offer so I had had the bloody mattress for 4 months at this point and I still had yet to pay for the blinking thing which set my mum off again and I really did think she was gonna die laughing!

Good way to go though huh?

Unfortunately, Rollo died in December of the next year with a perforated ulcer. He was just 2. Holly and I were totally devastated as it was the culmination of a long hard year. He was such a great dog and we still talk about him today.

I swore that I would never have another dog but eventually I gave in and now we have two! No rest for the wicked!