What a pain

Father of the Year is home.......again! 

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Oh joy.  He dropped a prezzie off for Holly, 3 days before her birthday, in the hope, me thinks that she would contact him but she hasn't.

I was actually in when he delivered it but Marion, Jack's carer answered the door.  Oh there is a god! Not that he wanted to speak to me anyway cos she did offer but he politely declined. Mmmmmmmm I wonder why?

I don't often write about him on my blog cos really I don't want to be giving him such importance but I liken him to a boil on yer bum.  You know it's there, it's a pain that comes and goes, sometimes you need to itch it or lance it and other times it explodes into a pussy mess! And it's always behind you, lurking and waiting to annoy you at the most inappropriate moment.

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I've learnt to laugh at him more these days but he does upset me when he upsets my kids.

The problem with Father of the Year is that he has never had to do anything for himself.  His mum used to do everything for him.  For instance, clothes were left lying on the bedroom floor and would magically reappear washed and beautifully ironed in the drawer or wardrobe. Obviously the ironing Faery had been. He never had to put them in a laundry basket, never learned to cook and most certainly did not know how to use a washing machine or ironing board.

I met him when I was 14.  We had a rocky relationship but it did settle down.  We moved in together when I was 19, he straight from home and it was like having a child!  I rallied against doing everything for him but in the end, his stubbornness outweighed my determination and I became someone who did it all.

Basically he had been brought up to be a totally selfish git and has never changed.  This selfishness has spilled into all of his relationships to the point that if you want a relationship with him, you have to do all the work and he just has to be.

I realise now that I was an enabler just like his mum and I think the new wife is very much like this too from what Holly says.  God, I wish her luck, poor girl but maybe it will be ok for her as she isn't like me who was never the' little fragile woman' who needed to be protected whereas I think she is.

I certainly don't want Holly to have to do all the work in her relationship with Father of the Year and so I am trying to equip her with the strength of character to stand up to him so that she can have the best relationship she can possibly have with him.  It's all I can do and already she is so much stronger than I was at her age. I am so so proud.

In the end, it is their relationship and I stay well out of it because I have had my fingers burned trying to tell him that he needs to keep in touch more, needs to make his children his priority but all I get for opening my mouth are anger and resentment from him.

At least he wrote Holly's birthday card himself.  Jack's was written by his mum and it said "Happy Birthday Jack from his Dad" as were the Christmas cards to them both and most other birthdays cards.  Does he even know how it feels to know that your own Dad can't even be bothered to make the effort to write a f**king birthday card. I guess not.

My gorgeous, funny, talented girl and my handsome, courageous and determined boy deserve so much more.