Saturday, 9 July 2011

A real pain

Since the party I have been pretty exhausted and have stayed close to home.

My sister, Kay, the birthday girl, has a swollen leg after someone landed on her while she was on the bouncy castle, then it became infected. An unexpected momento!

My Dad was also suffering. He had pulled muscles in his chest and shoulders and was in a lot of pain. I nipped up and gave him some aromatherapy oils to rub into his muscles and it seemed to help. I couldn't think why he was so sore at first and then I had an image flash through my mind of him doing forward flips whilst he was bouncing to his heart's content.  What can I say? If he hasn't learned by now at the age of 75 then he never will! At least he had fun.

that's him in the middle

This week I have been getting very frustrated.  It has taken me a year to win my fight to get help getting Jack up in the morning and getting him to bed at night.  The funding is now in place but there is no agency to provide the service!!!  The only two services in Elgin that provide respite to children are Alba Place and Crossroads. Crossroads carers are not allowed to come in and only provide personal care. They can provide personal care if they are also providing respite but not as a stand alone service which is what I require.  If they ask Alba Place to provide the service, this will cost a lot more and I will get reduced hours! I could scream!

It will soon be a year since I applied to the local council to have Jack's bathroom re-vamped. I have had all the plans approved, the funding approved, I've signed all the forms (about a month and a half ago) and now I wait. The company who have been given the contract are allowed 4 months to honour it. I wish they'd bloody hurry up!

Also the rep who I saw re Jack's bed was supposed to have it ready for me to see this week as I told him I would be away the week after but no, not a word from him. No doubt I will get the call next week when I am not here. Grrrrr!

Then last Thursday morning I had a run in with Father of the Year. The week before I had told him on the phone that I needed him to get more bloods taken as they were looking at Jack's genetics again. When I saw him in person two days later, I asked him if he'd made the appointment as he'd just come from his GP and he said no. Taking a deep breath so that I didn't lose it, I carried on frantically looking for the hospital form for the bloods to give him but I'd put it somewhere safe, so safe that I couldn't remember where! I think every woman does this or is it just me?

Anyway I told him to just go ahead and make the appointment and when he had, I would give him the form.

Fast forward a week later, with no word from him. His mum, Granny Mac came up to the hospital to see Jack and I asked her did she know if he'd made the appointment or not. She didn't know but she did inform me that he was flying away the next afternoon. I was stunned! So I gave her the form (I found it shortly after he'd left) and told her that it was imperative that he get it done asap and could she give him this form first thing.

I was so angry! Next morning, I called her from the hospital to see if she'd passed on the form and to ask if he'd done anything about it and she said she would call me back.

Minutes later, I received an unidentified number on my mobile which I answered and lo and behold it was Father of the Year himself. Basically he was totally arrogant, denied knowing anything about the blood tests, then tripped himself up by saying "this is the first time I even knew what they were for" to which I replied " so you did know about them, just not what they were for, well that's cos you don't listen!"

He informed me that he didn't have time to get this done as he was running around packing, don't you know and when I told him that "the staff on the children's ward would be willing to do it if he came up straight away and it would only take 5 minutes of his time" he told me "that he might manage or he might not" and also stating that he "would be back on the 7th July and it would get done then, no sooner, no later" and then he hung up!

I was shaking by the time the call finished. I looked at Jack lying in his hospital bed and I just crumpled. I had held myself together for two days and he was my undoing. I couldn't stop crying and my poor Dad just held me when he came in cos he really didn't know what else to do!

I had a course to go to but I was in such a state walking down the ward that one of the nurses, Yvonne, who has known us since Jack was little, took me into room to get myself together!

This is why I have nothing to do with Father of the Year. He treats me like an idiot, talks to me like I am something yucky that he has just stepped on, he is totally ignorant and he is always right and I am always wrong.

My parting shot to Yvonne was that in my life he was as annoying as a boil on my butt or a pimple on my arse  as us Scots say. You know it's there, you can't see it but you feel the pain of it and itching doesn't get rid of it either and every time you sit down you are reminded of what a total pain in the ass it is! Well that's him!

She fell about laughing when I said this and so did I.  Aaahhh laughing is so good for the soul.


  1. I was going to make a funny comment about how nice of you to try to kill off the family with the bouncy house, but when I got to the part about FOTY and became very angry on your behalf.

    I had a useless ex, but not with the trials you have. I would like to imagine he wouldn't be the douchecanoe your ex is. I am so, so very sorry that he is being this way.

    There is simply no reason for him to be this way when you and Holly do so much and he does nothing.

    Thought and much love to you my friend.

  2. I am soooooooooo sorry Lynne that you have to deal with losers like "father of the year". Seems he needs an attitude adjustment in the form of lots of pain. I know it seems everything is against you but hang in there my sweet friend and try to stay positive for Holly & Jacks sake and hopefully it will come together. Wish I was there to give you a special hug right now.

  3. I have an ex who was a pain when my kids were young. It is hard to go through. It is sad he won't take the time to have a little blood test for his son.

    75 years old and jumping in a Bouncy Castle? Wow. He is just great!

  4. Hmmm it's too bad we bloggers can't all converge on FOTY and give him a good 'talkin to' as they say in my part of the world! What a piece! I wish I could make it better for you but girl I do admire the fortitude you have and you are one magnificent Mother, sister and daughter!


  5. I truly hope Karma comes long and gives that waste of oxygen (FOTY) a lesson in getting along.
    I love that fact that your 75 year old Dad was on the jumping castle. Now thats a real man. Hope his soreness eases soon.
    Sending you hugs. You are an awsome lady

  6. Oh Lynne - why didn't you phone or text me. Karma has given up on this useless lump of an excuse for a human. But next time he's in town, i can high tail it up there and gie him a doin' !!! No - i'll send my cousins Tam and Phil - they will execute the job with perfection. If someone pisses off a pal of Julie's they piss off them!!! Then they'll make you a cuppa, have a laugh wilth Jack and Holly and be back here to tell me job done!!
    Honestly - you do a great job. I have rarely heard you moan about FOTY and when you do, it is always done with good grace. Wanna pick that "BLEEEPP" up and shake him till his brain cells get it!!

  7. We should just stick our two exes in a boxing ring and let them fight it out. I don't understand it when they behave like that - but I think they still want to find some way to exert control over our lives even when we're no longer living under the same roof.

    Worrying news about all the red tape and delays over home help and equipment. Do you have a social worker or some other support who can help you get all this essential stuff in place?

    Hoping next week is better xx

  8. I have 24 hour care at home (I live in Manchester) and I employ my own care staff now after some bad experiences using agencies - might it be possible to find one or two people you can work with directly rather than going through one of these organisations? The set-up period can seem daunting but honestly it's SO MUCH better once it's up and running because you have a direct working relationship with just those few people, they're directly answerable to you (and Jack) not to a manager sat in an office somewhere, you can negotiate for what you need them to do rather than being trapped to only having whatever's written on a care plan... not sure exactly how it works up there in the Frozen North but I'm pretty sure it's possible.

    FOTY is... well, you've covered it really. Stuff him. What a complete arse, hopefully sooner or later he will find some sort of a conscience and do what's right.

  9. SkippyMom - lol I know, bouncy castles are fun but ouch! Yes FOTY really is something else and I really don't understand him AT ALL!
    Odie - lol oh believe me I wish him a lot of pain sometimes! A virtual hug will have to do :)
    Belle - the problem with ex's is that it's always somebody else's fault, never theirs. Yeah my dad is superb.
    Sush - lol maybe it's just as well
    Mynx - yes I do hope Karma comes along and bites him on the arse!
    Julie - my problems were small potatoes compared to wee Sophie passing away! I might just take you up on that offer lol and what do you mean brain cells? I think they are long gone from FOTY.
    Looking for Blue Sky - you know I think you are bang on there but at the same time, there is no way they want us telling them what to do! Yes I have a social worker and this is new territory for her
    Becca - I have looked into Direct Payments and it is a lot of work on top of what I already do and I was afraid the extra pressure of income tax, NI contributions, insurance etc would overburden me and I wouldn't manage it. Maybe look at it again in a few years time. As for FOTY, I've been waiting 9 years for him to get a conscience so it's unlikely he will now :)

  10. Ohhhh no, you can use an accountancy service, you don't have to handle that stuff at all! You just ring up or email them with who has done which hours and they sort it all out and pay them out of a bank account that's set up specifically for the Direct Payments - all you have to do is actually sort out who to employ, which is a brief pain in the backside but really not that bad. The other option is employing people who are (or are prepared to be) registered as self-employed at which point it's even easier - they just invoice you and all the tax stuff is their problem not yours!

    I started using Direct Payments when I was 19 and struggling with being away at college on my own and having just moved out of halls of residence - it was a bit of a revelation after playing silly buggers with agencies for a while.

  11. Becca - I will definitely look into it if the social worker doesn't come up with the goods :)


Laughter is the best medicine and it's free. Thanks for visiting my blog and I look forward to hearing from you.

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