As I said previously, Allan is home and he is causing me great entertainment and anger in equal measures. I am trying really hard to laugh instead of cry so have tried to focus on how much he unwittingly entertains me without even trying.
This week he has been showing off his vehicles when he comes to pick up Holly.
The first time he was in his hire car, nothing new there. Usually it is a wee car, can barely get anything in the boot and most definitely not Jack friendly.
This Sunday, I heard him coming up my street before I saw him as he came to collect Holly in his UAZ. A what you ask??? I said the same thing believe me but it turns out to be a Russian Jeep which he had shipped over to the UK. The man has lost it me thinks!
Poor Holly was dolled up to the nines and had to get into that thing. At least it didn't break down this time. I had such a good chuckle, when she told me that he'd attempted to pick her up from school in it but alas, the Uaz had other ideas and ground to a halt in a puff of smoke. Oh dear!
Not so the other day. Holly likened it to the car out of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, just not as easy on the eye and said it was like being inside a giant vibrator!! Apparently when he tried to put the foot down Holly said they never got past 50 miles an hour and she said it was like being one of those "sunday " drivers! God how embarrassing!
I nearly fell off my seat laughing. You see, this is exactly what I would be putting up with, if, god forbid we had stayed together. Oh cringe cringe!!! I can see my street cred slipping away already lol.
Tonight he rumbled up on his two wheeler. No, not a push bike, nothing quite so tame for him, this is last years purchase, a very snazzy motorbike. He was obviously not content with the Kawasaki GPZ 900R that he left in my garage which had seized up by the time he took it away.
This new bike is red like the GPZ. Old habits die hard I think! Not so, according to Holly, it's because it's her favourite colour for a motorbike. Awwwwwwwwwwww!
So now I am all intrigued as to what he is gonna ride into town on next. Maybe it will be one of those ride-on lawn mowers or a 3 wheeled trike with a basket on the front so he can get his shopping! Or he might get himself a Jet Pack and be hovering above the house ready to whisk Holly away into the night. Nah, I don't think he is that cool!
If he rides up the path on a skateboard, complete with knee/elbow pads and safety helmet I will not be able to control myself! Or in-line skates, which I know he has, cos he bought them when we were still together. For Holly's sake I am hoping he has lost them, no such luck I fear!
But what WOULD impress me much, is if he arrived at the house driving a wheelchair accessible car and was here to pick up Jack!
Now wouldn't that be something?