He's not often funny.........

My big brother, Stephen, popped round yesterday, needing to use my computer and pick my brains for his homework.  He is doing a Countryside Management course.  He was telling me that his girlfriend, Marti, reads my blog and had I posted the funny stories about him yet?  "Eh, no" says I "because I have been busy busy busy this last few weeks but I will, I promise!".

Now Stephen has the same sense of humour as myself and my sister Kay but you don't often see it cos he is usually quite grumpy!  He will kill me for saying that but it's true. It's very rare for him to come into my house in a good humour and Holly usually disappears upstairs, minutes after he arrives, as he shouts a lot and she isn't used to people shouting around her.

One time, she heard him coming before she saw him so she hid down the back of the sofa, thinking he wouldn't stay awhile as he usually just stands chatting by the living room door.  Not so this day.  Instead he sat down on the sofa that Holly was hiding behind and when he was offered a cup of coffee he accepted, something he rarely does.  Twenty minutes later and Holly is getting sore from being crouched in the one position so she just quietly stands up behind him and steps over the sofa and sits down next to him.  At which point my brother nearly has a heart attack, starts shouting expletives and I am helpless with laughter on the other sofa!.

It took about 5/10 minutes for him to calm down and Holly and I to stop laughing and I think he was left with the impression that Holly was a total nut job!

The next time he came around, Holly and I were in the kitchen.  I was making lunch and she was sitting on the kitchen work tops eating sweeties.  A CD by James Blunt was lying by the CD player and he picked it up and  said "awww you don't like his music do you?"  I said "well duh, I own the CD don't I?"  to which he said "I can't stand him" and he started singing "you're beautiful, you're beautiful" in a very high pitched voice (just like James Blunt I hasten to add), totally taking the piss and then he mimed shooting James Blunt and said " BANG! you're nae so beautiful now eh!".

Both Holly and I fell about laughing as it was hysterically funny but then Holly started choking and coughing and going blue!  She had choked on one of her sweets, she was laughing so hard and I had to slap her back a half dozen times to dislodge it!  I swear that man is lethal!

Another time, he came round and was on the scrounge for a lift home.  He lives in the country and his Land Rover was off the road so he had to walk.  I had only had my new car a few weeks so this was the first time that he had been in it.  I had barely driven out of the drive way when the car automatically locked the doors with a loud click.  Stephen turned to look at me and said "did your car just lock itself?" and I replied "yeah".  He said "that's just creepy that" and then started to claw at the window and started yelling "help, help, let me out!"over and over.  I was laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my face and I had to stop the car!

Once I calmed myself, he laughing said "I'm not often funny but when I am, I excel myself!" and you know what, I think he's right.

What Is That Drip Drip Dripping Noise?

On Monday, I was priding myself on the fact that, even though Jack had been in hospital, I had quickly got back on track and had hauled out the Christmas tree and decorations.

Holly quickly set to work on the tree, as it's her job and it took 2 days but she finally got there.  

So on Monday night, I was sitting back, blogging, thinking all was well with my world when a "drip drip" noise caught my attention.  It was late, both kids were in bed, so I muted the TV and listened.  Yep, sure enough, there was definitely a drip drip noise but maybe it was coming from outside.

Standing in the bay window, I was starting to think I was just being paranoid when I felt a drip on my head. WTF???  Looked up to see water, dripping through the cornice, in places in a line.  My heart just sunk and I literally ran for some basins to catch it all.  I ended up with 5 basins on top of the wooden valance. It seemed never ending!

Then in my infinite wisdom (hardy har har) I got togged up in my winter woolies, got out the step ladder and brush and tried to knock some of the snow off the roof of the bay window.  By this time it is was nearly midnight, the ladder kept leaning into the window and I was seriously in danger of toppling head first into it.  As I was teetering precariously on top of this step ladder, I found myself laughing hysterically at the image of me crashing head first through the window and all I could think was "fuck, more money!".

Having failed dismally to shake any snow off the roof, I retreated into the warmth of the house and watched the drips for about half an hour before thinking, "I'd better go to bed, cos watching these drips are not gonna make them go away".

In the morning, when I got Holly up, I shouted a warning to her about the leak and was half expecting for her to yell that the roof had caved in but there was no scream, so I lay back amongst the pillows and chilled a bit.

Then I got up and text my brother basically saying "HELP".  He didn't answer so I had to call him and he said he would be there as soon as he finished his coffee, which meant about an hour, as he lives in the country and was walking.  After I hung up, I heard running water and thought "OMG it's getting worse only to run into the room, look and find that it wasn't actually coming from the same place but at the other end of the window!

Once again I was running about like a headless chicken trying to find big enough bowls as this time it was literally running down the wall!  Panic set in then and I was imagining the whole roof coming in so I frantically started flicking through the phone book for "a man who does".

Shortly after being assured that a guy would be round probably in the afternoon, my brother, Stephen, appeared.  He hauled out my dad's rickety wooden ladder and started removing the snow from above the window but as he didn't feel safe on the ladder (who could blame him!) he stopped for a break til we tracked down one to buy or borrow.

I eventually managed to get my hands on my neighbours ladder and Stephen commenced chipping away at the frozen ice in the guttering.  To begin with the leak got worse and then it eased off a bit, thank god!

By 4pm there was no sign of the roofing guy but the drips had slowed right down and seemed to have stopped. This was the point when I had a "woe is me moment" just as my mate Angie text to see how things were going and when I said I felt like crying, she called me straight away and made me laugh.  I just love my friends.

I left Jack with his Carer, Marion, while I donned my Santa hat and Holly and I set off to deliver presents.  The Santa hat was really cosy and no one batted an eyelid as I walked around the supermarket later on, with  lights flashing on my forehead and the flashing bobble!  I was very festive!

When I got back to the house, my next door neighbours, Carol and George (whom I borrowed said ladder from, in their absence) had left me an answering machine message to say that they had seen on Facebook my comment about a leak and they were having the same problem and if I wanted a hand to get the snow off the window, they were happy to help.  Don't you just love neighbours like that.  I am a lucky girl :)

So I popped next door to see them and George cleared the snow off the other bay window for me at 9pm at night, in the dark, while it was minus something or other!!!! He is a total star!  He maybe didn't feel the cold quite so much cos of the two brandies he'd told me he'd had that night already.  Grrr! Jealous or what!

Suffice to say that the crisis is over for the time being til the next bout of heavy snow and freezing temperatures but hopefully that wont be til Christmas day is over and done with at least.