THE GIGGLE FEST: sticks and stones

Betrayal comes in many forms doesn't it? And often at the hands of someone you least expect. For the last 2 months I have been coming to terms with a betrayal that has floored me.

Remember I told you about the visit to see Granda Mac whilst he was in hospital with his knee and their friend who was also visiting, who was quite rude to me? Well I shrugged that off because, well people have off days don't they?

Then about a month later (March), I was at a meeting hosted by the charity Enable re the cuts in the disability benefits and I met a lady there that had been a big influence in my life in the early years of Jack's initial diagnosis. She ran the special needs playgroup back then. After the meeting, she managed to grab me for a 5 minute catch up. Her first comment was "you didn't tell me that he'd gotten married again!" (He being, Father of the Year) I laughed and said "yeah it's coming up to a year now but I haven't seen you to tell you, so who told you?"

"Granny Mac" was her reply. The conversation continued then I said that "he doesn't really see much of his kids these days, even Holly" which I knew would be a surprise to her because Holly was the only person he seemed to care about. She said that she knew he didn't see Jack because Granny Mac had told her "that Father of the Year's new wife would like to look after Jack but that I wouldn't allow it! I was speechless because this is the first I have known about this. I asked "are you positive that she had said that?" and she answered that "yes, absolutely, because I then went on to defend your position as the mother of a child with such complex needs and how you couldn't possibly allow just anybody to look after Jack".

picture from here

I was absolutely incensed! How many other people has she told this utter nonsense to? No wonder her friend was rude to me at the hospital if they've been told this kinda crap. This is someone who comes into my house, is made welcome, knows what's going on in our lives and whom I have just learned to trust all over again after previous betrayals. It took me a long time to get over them but get over them I did because I didn't want my feelings to impact on Holly and Jack's relationship with their Granny.

That was a Friday night. I took the whole weekend to calm down enough to challenge her about it. All she did was deny saying that even though I challenged "then why would she have had to defend me if you hadn't said that?" Then she did her usual, burst into tears and said she didn't want to be involved! WTF? Every time she opens her mouth she is involved! Then she blurted out that she was only repeating what Father of the Year had told her. So she had lied, she had said that.

I laughed, honestly, I did and I told her that I would welcome Father of the Year and his Bride's help and that would require him to be at my house morning and night for a period of about 6 months of intensive training before I would be confident that he was capable of looking after his son. Her face was a picture when I added " but you know that won't happen because he is not f**king interested! And what is wrong with that sentence anyway "his wife wants to look after Jack!" when surely it should be Father of the Year who wants to do it!

Since then, I have struggled to be normal with Granny Mac. I am furious, hurt, let down, sad but most of all I am angry at myself because she has once again lulled me into a false sense of security and I fell for it. Fool me once and it's your fault, fool me twice and it's mine.

I know you are going to tell me that she is caught between myself and her son but it's not a position I have put her in. I don't mention him to her at all unless she brings him up which she does now and then. The reality is that she chooses to pass on the information that he gives her without getting the facts and not caring who she is hurting in the process. I truly don't think she realises that she hurts my children when they hear things about their mum that are untrue. I know that it is really affecting Holly's relationship with her.

In the end, I can't stop her saying things about me but I can stop her having access to me. So now when she comes to the house, I try to have as little time with her on my own as possible. I make small talk with her, nothing more, nothing less.