Saturday, 28 July 2012

I could have been an Olympic athlete....honest!

The Olympics has started and people all over the world will be glued to their screens for the next few weeks.

When I was in my teens, my family were heavily into athletics and all my brothers and sisters, bar one were members of the Elgin Athletics Club.

My brothers Stephen and Michael were the fastest but my sisters and I held our own. I could never beat my brother Michael as he was such a speed demon, so much so that he has won medals galore and he has run all over the world while he was in the RAF breaking a few records on his way.

One of his cool trophies

He broke the record!

We used to train around Elgin Academy, which was perched on a hill and the back exit from the school was the quickest way home but it was very very dark and quite scary.

One night, after training, Michael and I were making our way down the hill in the pitch black when suddenly this loud booming voice shouted from behind us "YOU BOY!". We stopped chatting, turned and looked around us but could see nothing so we carried on chatting and walking down the hill. Seconds later, the voice shouted at us again, this time, it felt like it was right behind us, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

We stopped again and looked around. As my eyes travelled over the school's perimeter fence, I saw a huge bulky shadow moving along it and my heart nearly stopped. Not even stopping to think, I took off in a sprint, running for my life!  I wasn't aware of anything but my heart trying to burst outta my chest and the wind whipping my hair around my face.

Pic from here

Michael hadn't even noticed I had gone and by the time he did, I was over the little bridge and sprinting like a demon past the football ground. He took off after me at great speed, yelling my name but I was oblivious! Finally I heard him yelling at me as I reached the swimming pool so I slowed down and when I turned around, he was clutching his sides, panting and totally out of breath.

My heart was still pounding with pure terror but then I started laughing hysterically about the fact that I had taken off as if the devil himself was after me and I wasn't even that out of breath whereas my brother, the faster of us both, hadn't been able to catch me and was bent double and breathless. Then he was laughing as he told me he's seen the same shadow as I had but he had turned to me, to ask if I had seen the same thing only to see this tiny speck sprinting away into the distance.

He couldn't believe how far and how fast I had run. It was the one and only time I ever raced him and won.

He was telling this story to Holly when he was visiting from Berlin earlier this year. He told her that "your mum ran so fast that night that even Usain Bolt wouldn't have been able to catch her and he's the fastest man in the world!" I roared with laughter at that comment but I think it could have been true.

yes I was this fast!

At school, I was always in the relay, 60m and 100m sprint, long jump, hurdles, 200m and the 3000m and cross country running. I wasn't the fastest girl in the school but I nearly always came away with a silver certificate at the end of sports day.

I was heavily into gymnastics too and Nadi Comaneci was my hero at the time. I had dreams of being an Olympic gymnast but sadly it was not to be.

One morning, I woke up with two appendages on the front of my chest and was appalled to discover that the boobs I had so longed for were gonna seriously get in the way of my athletic career. I mean, have you ever seen a gymnast with a decent set of boobs? No? Me either.

My running became more of a problem because back then a "sports bra" was unheard of in my world. Any kind of running, even just running up the path would be painful and one time, my sister's boyfriend actually asked me if I'd blacked my eye! I was totally mortified.

Pic from here

I knew my athletic career was over when I had to run the 100m hurdles and all the boys came to watch as I ran and my boobs jiggled up and down! My cheeks were red when I got to the end and not with exertion!

I remember going home, crying saying to my mum that "these boobs were a curse" and she replied " no Lynne they are an asset." I remember turning on her and growling "that an asset was something you could buy and sell and since the only way to sell these was to become a prostitute, it was hardly likely that it was something I was gonna do!" She was bent double with laughter when I then added "I could always become a Page 3 model I suppose." And for a while, I seriously thought that was the way to go!

Eventually I started saving up to have them reduced but that soon fell to the way side when I learned to cope with the attention they brought and when I became old enough to drink, my boobs became very useful in attracting the attention of the barman and jumping the queue!

I knew there had to be a perk.


  1. Perky boobs indeed!! That was a funny story, especially the part when you took off like a rocket. I bet your brother was gobsmacked! Hopefully you got to love your appendages in the end. I've never had that problem. I was obviously at the end of the queue when they were handed out!!

  2. Glad you eventually got your best asset to work for you! But seriously, an olympic athlete. That would have been AMAZING! You could have been Nadia.... if you starved yourself and took growth-stunting hormones ;-) Glad you didn't...and I bet you could still run like the clappers if someone was after you!!

    xx Jazzy

  3. I would have loved to have been there to see you take off like a rocket leaving your brother in the dust. That was a funny story. Was kind of hoping for an actual picture of your "ASSETS" but will settle for the one you offered. Have a great rest of your weekend and say hi to Holly and Jack for me.

  4. So you never found out who your shadow was?!

    We've had a couple of international teams practicing out our trampolining centre where I take Seth. I watched the Japan team on Thursday - very cool! (notice I'm studiously avoiding commenting on your boobs :) )

  5. LOL Great story! I can just see you flying down a dimly lit trail leaving your brother behind to eat your dust!

    Boob schmoob.. Nothing but trouble they are.

  6. So what, or who, was following you? Good thing you could run so fast. I like my bodacious ta-tas. They give me something to brag about.


  7. Oh, that was such a funny story! I'm glad you've grown to appreciate them. I myself am very thankful for sports bras and only wish they had invented them much sooner.

  8. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.

  9. Ahh Lynne, you so make me smile! I can just see you taking off down that path! I hate you were embarrassed when all the boys came to watch you run but they start thinking with the lower part of their anatomy at an early age!

    Glad your blessings are serving you well these days!
    Hugs and laughter~

  10. Thisisme - lol yes I came to love them but it was a love/hate relationship for quite a while.
    JazzyGirl - I like my food too much to starve! If someone was chasing me, then hell yeah, I could run!
    Odie - lol no didn't want to totally shock you all!
    Seth's Mum - Nope, never found out who it was but there was a big hole in the fence where the shadow was!
    Kellie - god I was soooo fast that night, I couldn't quite believe it myself lol
    Janie Junebug - I never did find out...scary though
    Shelly - yes had to have been a woman who invented sports bras and thank god she did!
    Sush - Tee hee hee you are so right!


Laughter is the best medicine and it's free. Thanks for visiting my blog and I look forward to hearing from you.

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